Fatso

So, today is the first day of weight loss. I'll tell ya, it's only 10:39am, and it sucks. I got up at 8am (not early, but I could have slept in till 9:30) and finally got up the gusto to go running at 9am. Well, running isn't the right word for it. I intended to run, but two things prevented it: I live in an extremely hilly/mountain region, which caused this fat man to have to walk as fast as possible, and I am 300lbs. The pace I took would have been scoffed by a younger, faster, thinner Brian, but as I am now, it was about a 8 on the effort scale (1-10).
A few years ago, I had great success with the Body For Life program by Bill Phillips, and that is exactly what I am doing now. When I was running, I had one thing coming to mind over and over again: "5 years of chips, cheese, pizza, ice cream, tacos, greasy burgers and any other terrible food I've eaten is so NOT worth this..."
I guess one thing I can take comfort from is that since I have been fairly active over the last five years, I am not as out of shape as I thought I was. I've even had some fairly valiant attempts at weight loss, probably the best of which was last year, when I dropped 30lbs before plateauing for a freaking month last March. I gave up, and gained it all back plus a little. Has anyone else noticed that? If you lose weight, but then don't do all you need to in order to keep it off, it comes back with friends. It's almost like it has an attitude problem or something, and all you manage to do by losing it is to piss it off enough to really come back at you and smack you down. Examples of this:
Me, 15 years old, 235lbs. Through a lot of effort and time and running and biking and lifting and eating very healthily, I got myself to 173 at 17. 173 for me was perfect. I had less than 12% body fat, was able to run a couple 6'35" miles, and lift a decent amount for my weight. Pull ups, push ups, sit ups, and any other ups you can think of were quite simple for me. Now, because I was for the first time in my life a fit individual, I stayed within 10lbs of this for the next two years, enjoying the new fun activities which were once impossible for me, but were now easy and amazingly entertaining. Then I graduated from high school, took a trip to France, sat on my butt for two weeks eating the best Paris had to offer as far as cheeses and sweet treats, and gained 20lbs. Now just over 200lbs, I wasn't too horribly concerned, I stayed fairly active, but didn't go on an intensive diet/workout program. Later that year, I had some quite traumatic emotional events happen, and the next year is very hard for me to remember because I've honestly shut most of it out, but over that year, gained 30lbs. Now I was right about where I was when I started at 15, but I was 19. This is when fat's friends came... I got a new job on a drilling crew in the dead of winter, so of course, to "keep warm" we'd eat the highest fat foods available to man, and bravado was proved by eating more than the next guy. Add to all of that I had $75 a day given to me for living expenses alone, which of course translated into delicious, fatty food and lots of it. What made matters even worse was the horrible loneliness I was feeling from the prior year added to the fact that we were living in hotels for 28 of the 30 days of each month, so as soon as we were done for the day (at 6pm) I was truly alone until 7am the next morning. Loneliness has always been my weak point and point of fear, so to cope, I ate. After two months, I now weighed an additional 30lbs, 260. Now, barely three years after losing it all initially, I was almost 100lbs more than my healthy low point, and 30lbs above my initial starting point. Over the next year, I got my first girlfriend, got dumped by my first girlfriend (10lbs) started a new job as a CNA, decided it was unhealthy for me because of the emotional strain (up 10, down 10) decided to work my butt off for weight loss (down 15) met my next girlfriend, starting dating her (goodbye fitness program, plus 15) got engaged to her, broke it off (up 10!) started a workout program in january '08 (-30) got sick of fighting with no success in march, stopped program, started dating same girl, got engaged, stressful engagement (her family hates me) (+30) got married, had holiday season (+10) lost my job, found a new one, got a pay cut (-10lbs) got more hours, learned to shop smart (+10) and now... I'm here. 300lbs.

I guess this is a ridiculously long post, and that'll probably make people less interested, but hey, the future ones'll be shorter. I'll continue to update daily my weight as well as my efforts in weight loss, so if anyone's interested, I'd love a support group, and if you need to lose weight, I'd love to be part of your support group.
Thank you, Come again!
-Brian