Here is my sad... neglected blog. I haven't written anything since 2011. I think I want to be better about that... partially because Kimberly (my awesome wife; check her blog out here), and partially because I have had people mention that they have looked at my blog... and I am realizing that it is not necessarily representative of my current state of mind or being, seeing as it has been over a year and a half since I have updated it last. So here goes: I'll try to keep it somewhat brief.
Work: I am working at my favorite job of all time. I am a loan officer for Mountain America. Not much to say about my job other than it is freaking awesome, I love it, and am considering making it into a career.
Weight: HAH. I have to say a few things about this one. First of all, my last post, about weight loss... I did go on a diet after that. I followed the diet extremely closely for a couple of months... and nearly killed myself. I was attempting to do a < 1500 calories/day diet. I have since learned how dangerous that is. Yes, I know people will tell you it is ok, and that it's a fast way to lose weight... but here's the problem with that: without getting too much into the science (which I now know a LOT more about... thank you Health Psychology...) Extremely restrictive diets, whether they be caloric, food type, or what have you, trigger hormones in the body which try to balance it out. These hormones (and we are constantly discovering NEW ones which counteract new "diet pills" as they are designed and implemented...) will do anything to fix it. Including eating muscle mass. Guess what your heart is made of... ding ding ding! We have a winner!! Losing more than 2lbs a week is putting your heart at MAJOR risk.. like, don't even go there. Anyway, long and short: I lost about 15lbs (which, as body science would have it, my body put back on within days of me stopping), but not very much body mass/shape. The triggers for me to drop the diet: I could no longer pick something up that I could when I started the diet (too weak) and the day I came home and just broke down in tears because I wanted to eat more food. Now there IS a light at the end of this tunnel/story... (I guess it really is more of a story than a tunnel...) March 4th of 2013, I hit my highest point ever: 340lbs. I was upset, and started my normal "I'm so fat.. I need to diet... but it's soooo haaard" whine, and my sweet, quiet wife had enough. Basically, she gave me a talking to: She told me that she was sick of hearing me complain about it, she was sick of me "trying" stuff and never really sticking with it. She agreed that I needed something different than what I had done in the past. She told me that I had to either shut up about it, or find a program, and actually stick with it for a few months. So I did... I joined Weight Watchers. Now... almost four months later; I can tell you I am happily sticking with that program, and plan to for months/years to come... whatever it takes. I have lost ~21lbs (and I have REALLY lost the weight, not just some artificial yo-yo diet.. I'm starting to have clothes I can't wear anymore). I am healthier than I was in March, and I am happier than I have ever been on a diet... Ever. I am learning how to eat smaller portions of the things I love, rather than gorging myself whenever I get the chance. Kimberly loves it for multiple reasons: 1) I'm not whining about it anymore. In fact, I am quite proud of my weight loss, and am looking forward to all the weight loss to come. 2) We eat real food, not weird diet food. 3) I am getting thinner, and she gets to find ways every now and then where she can tell I've lost weight (ok, I like this one better... it is so rewarding for her to notice something, smile, and say "HEY! You've lost weight again!")
Life in general: I will try not to get too much into this one (as my post is already turning quite long) but here are some subjects which I will cover in greater depth later:
House. We are buying one. Sweet. There will be pictures and descriptions of various projects as I work on and complete them. (including but not limited to beautifying a backyard, replacing a roof, and renovating a room into a home theater system)
Kimberly: She is still struggling with an as of yet un-diagnosed medical condition :( I try to be there for her as much as possible, but there is only so much I can do for her. Prayers are appreciated...
Church: I LOVE my calling. Young Men's Secretary/Scout Committee Chairman. Booyeah.
Anyway.. as the tagline I long ago decided would be at the end of my blog states:
Thank you, come again!
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Weight Loss
Have you ever had a moment where you just realize something, and it feels like it goes far beyond any realization that you have ever had?
I think I had one recently. It was more of a process than a single event, but I'm beginning to realize that I am running out of time. It just hit me that I am morbidly obese and have no health problems. I weigh 330lbs, 150lbs over where I should be. How much longer can I possibly have before I develop a heart condition, joint problems, cancer, diabetes, stroke, or any of the other plethora of weight-related diseases?
I've known for the last eight years that I am overweight, and sadly, it went from a body illusion of being overweight to actually becoming borderline overweight, to borderline obesity, to obesity... and now finally; morbid obesity.
When I was 18, I thought I was huge.. and I wasn't. Trying to lose weight when I didn't need to, then gaining extra back as I rebounded from ridiculously restrictive diets, as well as a deep bout of depression stemming from failing to go on a mission led to average weight gain of 20lbs a year. I went from weighing around 180 when I was 18 to weighing in at an astonishing 330 at 25. I can't even walk up the stairs without getting winded now. The sneaking part of all of this? From the time I weighed around 200lbs on, my face has been about the same shape; so looking at pictures of me weighing 50-70lbs less than I did didn't produce a real motivation, because I looked essentially the same, just smaller. I recently found a picture from prom when I was 17... and I literally didn't recognize the guy in the picture. Intellectually, I knew it was me... but I couldn't fathom that I looked like that. It is nearly impossible for me to wrap my brain around the sharp chin, the defined jaw, the high cheekbones, the absolute absence of any roundness in my face at all. Then the body... Flat down the front, broad shoulders, wearing a tux that fit perfectly. I just can't stop looking at that picture. I just can't stop comparing where I was to where I am now. Yes; part of my desire to lose weight is body image. I knew I was fat, but I had forgotten how GOOD I can look...
A thought has been coming to mind over and over again in the last six or so months:
"The very definition of insanity is to try the same thing over and over again and expect different results"
This says something to me. I can't do what I've done before. I've been trying to do essentially the same diet for the last eight years. It happens the same way, over and over again. I get on it, I lose a little weight (10-20lbs), I plateau, I give up one day, then another, which leads to rebound eating, which leads to putting all of the lost weight back on, and then continuing to add weight, until I try to lose weight again. I have to do something new. I have to lose 150lbs, and I can't give up on whatever I decide to do in order to lose the weight.
I did some math, and realized that it came down to an average of an extra 187 calories a day that led to the massive weight gain of 150lbs over eight years. It amazed me at how little that amount is. That is less than two pieces of white bread! That is a can of soda... That broke my fictional image that I was just doomed to gain weight because of genetics, or that I was somehow eating exactly like everyone else, and still gaining weight. It is that little extra that I always would eat. Those last few bites just to enjoy the flavor a little more. That extra item I order from a fast food menu. That extra snack I had later in the day. All of these little things, and really, they could just be little things are enough to gain enormous weight.
Now, the thought has occurred to me to simply figure out how many calories I burn daily, and make sure to be 200-400 below that level; but I am flirting with danger at this weight. I am risking my life every day, just asking for a heart attack, just on the fringe of a major disaster. I need to lose weight, and I need to lose it now.
I guess a few things have gone into this realization. I realized I am turning twenty-six in a few weeks... I am hitting the downward part of my twenty's. I know, I know... I am still quite young... But thirty is not far off... and I have heard of thirty year old individuals DYING of heart attacks. I do NOT want to have four more years to live. I do NOT want these to be my "December" years of my life... I haven't even accomplished my Bachelor's degree! I've never had a career level job! I have no kids!
If someone was slowly stabbing me to death, I would kick their butt; and stop them from doing so. I have to do the same with weight.
When I die, I want it to mean something... not be as a result of long term minor overindulgence and laziness. Even if it's just the end of my life, I want it to have been a full, good life where I had a positive influence on others, where others lives were left better off.
At the same time, saying all of this doesn't really change anything. I know I've talked pretty big about losing weight before, and I know I've even blogged about it. But... I'm just realizing that I cannot let myself gain more weight. I can hardly believe I'm remembering when I was "only" 280, and wishing i weighed that much again!!! I am NOT going to wish I was "only" 330. I am going to do it this time, and I am not going to give up.
Thank You, Come Again!
Brian
I think I had one recently. It was more of a process than a single event, but I'm beginning to realize that I am running out of time. It just hit me that I am morbidly obese and have no health problems. I weigh 330lbs, 150lbs over where I should be. How much longer can I possibly have before I develop a heart condition, joint problems, cancer, diabetes, stroke, or any of the other plethora of weight-related diseases?
I've known for the last eight years that I am overweight, and sadly, it went from a body illusion of being overweight to actually becoming borderline overweight, to borderline obesity, to obesity... and now finally; morbid obesity.
When I was 18, I thought I was huge.. and I wasn't. Trying to lose weight when I didn't need to, then gaining extra back as I rebounded from ridiculously restrictive diets, as well as a deep bout of depression stemming from failing to go on a mission led to average weight gain of 20lbs a year. I went from weighing around 180 when I was 18 to weighing in at an astonishing 330 at 25. I can't even walk up the stairs without getting winded now. The sneaking part of all of this? From the time I weighed around 200lbs on, my face has been about the same shape; so looking at pictures of me weighing 50-70lbs less than I did didn't produce a real motivation, because I looked essentially the same, just smaller. I recently found a picture from prom when I was 17... and I literally didn't recognize the guy in the picture. Intellectually, I knew it was me... but I couldn't fathom that I looked like that. It is nearly impossible for me to wrap my brain around the sharp chin, the defined jaw, the high cheekbones, the absolute absence of any roundness in my face at all. Then the body... Flat down the front, broad shoulders, wearing a tux that fit perfectly. I just can't stop looking at that picture. I just can't stop comparing where I was to where I am now. Yes; part of my desire to lose weight is body image. I knew I was fat, but I had forgotten how GOOD I can look...
A thought has been coming to mind over and over again in the last six or so months:
"The very definition of insanity is to try the same thing over and over again and expect different results"
This says something to me. I can't do what I've done before. I've been trying to do essentially the same diet for the last eight years. It happens the same way, over and over again. I get on it, I lose a little weight (10-20lbs), I plateau, I give up one day, then another, which leads to rebound eating, which leads to putting all of the lost weight back on, and then continuing to add weight, until I try to lose weight again. I have to do something new. I have to lose 150lbs, and I can't give up on whatever I decide to do in order to lose the weight.
I did some math, and realized that it came down to an average of an extra 187 calories a day that led to the massive weight gain of 150lbs over eight years. It amazed me at how little that amount is. That is less than two pieces of white bread! That is a can of soda... That broke my fictional image that I was just doomed to gain weight because of genetics, or that I was somehow eating exactly like everyone else, and still gaining weight. It is that little extra that I always would eat. Those last few bites just to enjoy the flavor a little more. That extra item I order from a fast food menu. That extra snack I had later in the day. All of these little things, and really, they could just be little things are enough to gain enormous weight.
Now, the thought has occurred to me to simply figure out how many calories I burn daily, and make sure to be 200-400 below that level; but I am flirting with danger at this weight. I am risking my life every day, just asking for a heart attack, just on the fringe of a major disaster. I need to lose weight, and I need to lose it now.
I guess a few things have gone into this realization. I realized I am turning twenty-six in a few weeks... I am hitting the downward part of my twenty's. I know, I know... I am still quite young... But thirty is not far off... and I have heard of thirty year old individuals DYING of heart attacks. I do NOT want to have four more years to live. I do NOT want these to be my "December" years of my life... I haven't even accomplished my Bachelor's degree! I've never had a career level job! I have no kids!
If someone was slowly stabbing me to death, I would kick their butt; and stop them from doing so. I have to do the same with weight.
When I die, I want it to mean something... not be as a result of long term minor overindulgence and laziness. Even if it's just the end of my life, I want it to have been a full, good life where I had a positive influence on others, where others lives were left better off.
At the same time, saying all of this doesn't really change anything. I know I've talked pretty big about losing weight before, and I know I've even blogged about it. But... I'm just realizing that I cannot let myself gain more weight. I can hardly believe I'm remembering when I was "only" 280, and wishing i weighed that much again!!! I am NOT going to wish I was "only" 330. I am going to do it this time, and I am not going to give up.
Thank You, Come Again!
Brian
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Working on Sundays: Part II
Alright... So, here's the update to my blog post earlier about working on Sundays.
I felt so strongly about quitting, and I prayed very hard about it. I decided that I would go ahead and quit. I worked one more week there (to finish the hours I was scheduled) and left McDonald's for good. I was nervous. Yea, we didn't need the job, but as was pointed out, it would help a TON with our finances.
I applied at Wells Fargo, as I saw there was a 22 hour a week position avaiable. I just googled "jobs in Roosevelt, UT" and it was one of the ones that came up. In fact, it had come up on another search. I didn't think I was qualified for that job, but I went ahead and looked, decided I was qualified, and applied. I was sent the follow-up survey within an hour or two... I was like "great... I hate these things" I have taken several of such, and that was as far as I got with all of those jobs. I brushed it off as not going to happen. The next day, Wells Fargo Corporate called me to do a screening interview. A few days later, Wells Fargo Utah called me for a telephone interview. Five minutes after that, I got a call from Wells Fargo Roosevelt asking me to come in for an interview on Tuesday (it was Friday). I went to the interview Tuesday, and it just seemed to fall together. I had good, quality answers (that even I felt good about...) for all of their answers. I got along GREAT with both of my potential bosses. At the end of the interview (which took just over an hour) I was told to expect a call either way in the next week or so, and that they had several more applicants that needed to get through the screening process before they made a decision. The next morning I got a call offering me the job at the highest starting rate they offer for that position.
Now, I know not everyone who reads this will necessarily understand or believe this next part:
I felt very strongly then, as I do now that this was God taking care of me for following His guidance. I gave up what was a good thing, a helpful thing, something that while I didn't love, I definetly liked and enjoyed for God. I felt so strongly that I needed to quit so I wouldn't work Sundays, and I followed God's guidance, even though it was a major struggle inside. I now have a job where I have better hours, MUCH better pay, better benifits in every way and a job that will work better with my school schedule, in fact, my immediate boss got the same degree that I am going to go to USU for while working for Wells Fargo. They are not open Sundays, I only will have to work every third Saturday, and this job could potentially turn into a full-time position if I am interested.
Not only that, but after I accepted that job, I got a call from somewhere I'd applied two months ago asking me for an interview. I am not so well qualified that I should be getting this many job opportunities this quickly in this job market. I know several people who are searching harder than I did for work right now in the same city I live in and not finding anything.
Let us not forget who is in charge, and that no matter how difficult the sacrifice we are making seems to be, He is in charge and will give you something better.
I love my God, and I am so thankful for being a member of His church. I know that the Gospel is the word of God, and I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the true church. I know that following His word is the only way to get through this life, and that He will bless us when we follow His commandments. I am not saying it is not hard to do so sometimes, and that sometimes doing what is right doesn't even make sense to our mortal minds, but I know that God will bless us bounteously if we do as He commands.
-Brian
(ps. I guess I should make one caviat for this post... I don't officially have the job all the way yet, I need to finish a FBI background check, but I'm really not worried about that at all....)
I felt so strongly about quitting, and I prayed very hard about it. I decided that I would go ahead and quit. I worked one more week there (to finish the hours I was scheduled) and left McDonald's for good. I was nervous. Yea, we didn't need the job, but as was pointed out, it would help a TON with our finances.
I applied at Wells Fargo, as I saw there was a 22 hour a week position avaiable. I just googled "jobs in Roosevelt, UT" and it was one of the ones that came up. In fact, it had come up on another search. I didn't think I was qualified for that job, but I went ahead and looked, decided I was qualified, and applied. I was sent the follow-up survey within an hour or two... I was like "great... I hate these things" I have taken several of such, and that was as far as I got with all of those jobs. I brushed it off as not going to happen. The next day, Wells Fargo Corporate called me to do a screening interview. A few days later, Wells Fargo Utah called me for a telephone interview. Five minutes after that, I got a call from Wells Fargo Roosevelt asking me to come in for an interview on Tuesday (it was Friday). I went to the interview Tuesday, and it just seemed to fall together. I had good, quality answers (that even I felt good about...) for all of their answers. I got along GREAT with both of my potential bosses. At the end of the interview (which took just over an hour) I was told to expect a call either way in the next week or so, and that they had several more applicants that needed to get through the screening process before they made a decision. The next morning I got a call offering me the job at the highest starting rate they offer for that position.
Now, I know not everyone who reads this will necessarily understand or believe this next part:
I felt very strongly then, as I do now that this was God taking care of me for following His guidance. I gave up what was a good thing, a helpful thing, something that while I didn't love, I definetly liked and enjoyed for God. I felt so strongly that I needed to quit so I wouldn't work Sundays, and I followed God's guidance, even though it was a major struggle inside. I now have a job where I have better hours, MUCH better pay, better benifits in every way and a job that will work better with my school schedule, in fact, my immediate boss got the same degree that I am going to go to USU for while working for Wells Fargo. They are not open Sundays, I only will have to work every third Saturday, and this job could potentially turn into a full-time position if I am interested.
Not only that, but after I accepted that job, I got a call from somewhere I'd applied two months ago asking me for an interview. I am not so well qualified that I should be getting this many job opportunities this quickly in this job market. I know several people who are searching harder than I did for work right now in the same city I live in and not finding anything.
Let us not forget who is in charge, and that no matter how difficult the sacrifice we are making seems to be, He is in charge and will give you something better.
I love my God, and I am so thankful for being a member of His church. I know that the Gospel is the word of God, and I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the true church. I know that following His word is the only way to get through this life, and that He will bless us when we follow His commandments. I am not saying it is not hard to do so sometimes, and that sometimes doing what is right doesn't even make sense to our mortal minds, but I know that God will bless us bounteously if we do as He commands.
-Brian
(ps. I guess I should make one caviat for this post... I don't officially have the job all the way yet, I need to finish a FBI background check, but I'm really not worried about that at all....)
Monday, October 18, 2010
I've noticed in all of my searches to find out whether you can or cannot run games supported by windows in ubuntu that there is a lot of hostility from the linux community towards the video game industry, and not a whole lot of answers. Also, I've noticed that linux users tend to have this extremely condescending "better than thou" attitude towards us who... GASP... BUY our operating systems... oh no! I gave money to the man!!! what am I going to do?! Wait... should there be "open-source" Chiropractors too? That way you'd never have to pay for an adjustment again! oh wait, then.. I'd be screwed and out of a career... Sometimes it is o.k. to pay for things guys... especially for a operating system for your computer which works with all of the programs you want to run... And yes, I do use some open source programs (like openoffice for example! Lovely program!) Yea, a perfect world would have it be that everyone gives everything away for free in equal measure out of the goodness of their hearts, but we're not even close to being there. (even though some in the government seem to think that it's their job to force us to get to their version as fast as possible.... *shudder)
Anyway, the focus of this post is my general frustration with the computer world. I do play video games. I like video games. They are one way I de-stress and relieve pent up tension. The video games I like the most are actually slightly older video games (not old old retro games, but 1995 on) One of my favorites is barely supported by my computer anymore (Star Wars: Rogue Squadron 3D: relased 1998) it crashes after every mission... But after doing some research, I discovered that this is because the game designers were morons. Complete morons. Ok, maybe that's a touch harsh... but they designed the game in such a way where if your processor is over 1Ghz, the game freaks out and crashes. Now, I guess they couldn't forsee the day when you'd have afforably available multi-core processors running at well over 1Ghz, but at least make a patch, please? Just because you made a game over ten years ago, it doesn't mean no one is playing anymore... Blizzard gets that... there's still support for Starcraft (also released in 1998.)
The next facet of my frustration is the big push to move to the next OS, which I get. Seriously, I do. My XP home operating system doesn't even see my RAM all the way (I have two 2GB sticks, I have 3.5GB recognized by windows, just under 3GB available.) XP just isn't good enough for my rig... and it's getting less and less so as I upgrade my internals. But... I'd love to shell out $150 for 7... but they don't support my older games! Why?! It's not like Microsoft didn't design the XP OS in the first place... yea, I understand that 7 is based on completely different architecture and all... but seriously... if you can design a new architecture for a new OS, the least you can do is make it completely backwards compatible, even if it just means building in a XP emulator that works... I mean, it's not like i'm getting it for free... oh... oops... so, now that I've done a touch more research... heh... 7 is compatible... with XP mode they claim you can run ALL of you XP compatible programs as if on a XP machine, but with the power that 7 brings you... ok, now I feel like one of those stupid "I'm a PC, and windows 7 was my idea..." commercials... ok. yea, now I'll start saving my pennies to buy 7 pro... Unfortunately for Linux, Windows 7 adding this nice feature makes them obsolete in my search. Sorry Ubuntu, I am willing to shell out the dough for full compatability.
Thank You, Come Again!
Brian
Anyway, the focus of this post is my general frustration with the computer world. I do play video games. I like video games. They are one way I de-stress and relieve pent up tension. The video games I like the most are actually slightly older video games (not old old retro games, but 1995 on) One of my favorites is barely supported by my computer anymore (Star Wars: Rogue Squadron 3D: relased 1998) it crashes after every mission... But after doing some research, I discovered that this is because the game designers were morons. Complete morons. Ok, maybe that's a touch harsh... but they designed the game in such a way where if your processor is over 1Ghz, the game freaks out and crashes. Now, I guess they couldn't forsee the day when you'd have afforably available multi-core processors running at well over 1Ghz, but at least make a patch, please? Just because you made a game over ten years ago, it doesn't mean no one is playing anymore... Blizzard gets that... there's still support for Starcraft (also released in 1998.)
The next facet of my frustration is the big push to move to the next OS, which I get. Seriously, I do. My XP home operating system doesn't even see my RAM all the way (I have two 2GB sticks, I have 3.5GB recognized by windows, just under 3GB available.) XP just isn't good enough for my rig... and it's getting less and less so as I upgrade my internals. But... I'd love to shell out $150 for 7... but they don't support my older games! Why?! It's not like Microsoft didn't design the XP OS in the first place... yea, I understand that 7 is based on completely different architecture and all... but seriously... if you can design a new architecture for a new OS, the least you can do is make it completely backwards compatible, even if it just means building in a XP emulator that works... I mean, it's not like i'm getting it for free... oh... oops... so, now that I've done a touch more research... heh... 7 is compatible... with XP mode they claim you can run ALL of you XP compatible programs as if on a XP machine, but with the power that 7 brings you... ok, now I feel like one of those stupid "I'm a PC, and windows 7 was my idea..." commercials... ok. yea, now I'll start saving my pennies to buy 7 pro... Unfortunately for Linux, Windows 7 adding this nice feature makes them obsolete in my search. Sorry Ubuntu, I am willing to shell out the dough for full compatability.
Thank You, Come Again!
Brian
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Working on Sundays?
So, I have a problem. I can't stop thinking about it, and it has been growing in my mind the last week. I recently applied and got a job at McDonald's, which is fine, the hours have been long, stressful and strenuous, which is also fine, but I have a problem that just keeps bothering me. When in the interview, I was asked about Sundays. I told the lady interviewing me that I had church on Sundays, and that it was against my religion to work on Sundays, but if it was absolutely necessary, I could make exception. By the end of the interview, she had offered the job, and I, without giving it much thought, accepted. My first day of work, she poked her head outside of her office and asked when I was off church on Sundays. While it didn't completely register at the moment, I have since realized that the reason she was asking is because she wanted to know when she could schedule me for Sunday work.
I guess at this point, a little background is in order.
Yes, I have worked Sundays in the past. I worked for the MTC Cafeteria; and the missionaries still have to eat on Sunday, so, thus, I worked Sundays. But for goodness sake, it was the Missionary Training Center... A dedicated building of learning of the Spirit where the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve make regular apperances, not to mention all the bishops, branch presidents and other ecclesiastical leaders who were there daily. You almost may as well have been at church any day of the week working there. To me, that job barely counts, especially since I was always able to go to all my meetings, they even had an option to attend Sacrament Meeting at the MTC if your schedule conflicted with your ward.
Job #2 which required Sunday work was working as a CNA in a nursing home. That one was obvious, you can't just not assist people who can't even get out of bed on their own because it's the Sabbath. I had NO qualms about Sunday work there, because God loves ALL of His children, especially those who are infirm or irreperably injured and in the final years of their lives on this earth, and it was absolutely essential that people work there 24/7 to care for these people.
Job #3 which required Sabbath work only required it once, but that was only because my schedule just happened to work out that way. That was being a Drill Rig Helper. Thing about this though is that we lived basically on-site, and you couldn't just go home for the weekend because you had qualms about working Sundays, if we didn't meet deadlines, literally people could die. The dams we were working on needed the excavation work so that they didn't fall apart and kill thousands if not tens of thousands of people.
Those are the jobs I've had in the past which asked me to work on Sunday. I have not been asked to work on Sundays yet, but another part of the interview is sticking out in my mind very strongly. She told me that she could not guarantee that I do not work Sundays, and now that I think about it, I'm not even 100% sure she promised she'd try to keep me off Sundays. The fact that the first day I worked, she asked when she could schedule me for Sundays tells me that she is respecting my wishes to the minimum degree.
This had been bothering me, among other things with this job, like whether it was going to work with school in January or not. (If I work a week like this past one? No. Not going to work; I worked every day this week, 8.5-10 hours a day starting at 6am)
I missed the first session of Conference today because I had to work. Not a biggie, I can just download it later and listen to the MP3. I did notice however, that when a LDS co-worked mentioned that our business may be affected by General Conference, my boss got a little hostile and almost said something that she stopped herself from saying. Later tonight, I attended the Priesthood session, which was very very good, and I still had the thoughts about my job weighing heavily on my mind. By the end of the session, I had decided that I was going to pray very hard about my job, and I felt like I still had no answer, but it seemed like a decision I could make by myself and either direction would be good. Then President Monson got up and gave his powerful talk about choices and consequences. Nearing the end of his talk, I was starting to feel a little more confident that this job wouldn't have eternal consequences, but then he got to his story about, you guessed it, a person who had made commitments and worked hard, but had also decided before hand that he would not play his sport on Sunday. The team was in the championship, and there was immense pressure for him to play both from his unsympathetic coach, and the fact that his back-up for his starting position, wasn't able to play because of an injury. He did not play, and the team was fine without him as they won the championship. 30 years down the road, the player recounted that seemingly insignificant decision had made eternally good consequences in his life. He said that it was easier to follow the Lord 100% of the time, rather than 98% of the time.
How this relates to me?
Well, I can't claim to follow the Lord 100% of the time. Not even 80%. But I certainly do try and make an effort for it.
I do not need this job. Certainly it will make life easier, and make it so we are far more financially stable in the future. Yes, it's a hard job, but so what? I can get over that and deal... I've had hard jobs before, you just throw yourself into them and they get easier. But my biggest thing is that they do not need to be open on Sundays. This would be my first time working on Sundays for a place that was non-essential. Now, were Kimberly to not have a job, then this would be a different thing entirely, as I would have to stay there in order to support my family. But Kimberly does have a good job, which pays all the bills and then some. Were I to quit, I am quite sure it would infuriate my boss, as she has ordered pants and a manager shirt for me, but in the eternal realm? That doesn't really matter.... I'd rather tick off someone I've known for less than a week than God Himself...
I guess the other half of this equation is that I may never work a Sunday while working at McDonalds... but the chances of that never happening in the next 3-4 years don't seem that great to me... I don't know. I'm not asking for an answer, or really even advice (but feel free to post that too!) and I am going to have to make this decision for myself, I'm just thinking out loud a little... and hoping that as I get my thoughts down on paper that they will reveal an answer or at least clarify a little.
On a bit of a side note however, I do wonder that if I quit this job for this reason, if it would help how I view the Sabbath as a Holy Day. I wonder if it would help my worship be more full, as I had to sacrifice something important to me in order to follow God more fully. I don't know. again, just thinking out loud...
Thank You, Come Again!
- Brian
I guess at this point, a little background is in order.
Yes, I have worked Sundays in the past. I worked for the MTC Cafeteria; and the missionaries still have to eat on Sunday, so, thus, I worked Sundays. But for goodness sake, it was the Missionary Training Center... A dedicated building of learning of the Spirit where the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve make regular apperances, not to mention all the bishops, branch presidents and other ecclesiastical leaders who were there daily. You almost may as well have been at church any day of the week working there. To me, that job barely counts, especially since I was always able to go to all my meetings, they even had an option to attend Sacrament Meeting at the MTC if your schedule conflicted with your ward.
Job #2 which required Sunday work was working as a CNA in a nursing home. That one was obvious, you can't just not assist people who can't even get out of bed on their own because it's the Sabbath. I had NO qualms about Sunday work there, because God loves ALL of His children, especially those who are infirm or irreperably injured and in the final years of their lives on this earth, and it was absolutely essential that people work there 24/7 to care for these people.
Job #3 which required Sabbath work only required it once, but that was only because my schedule just happened to work out that way. That was being a Drill Rig Helper. Thing about this though is that we lived basically on-site, and you couldn't just go home for the weekend because you had qualms about working Sundays, if we didn't meet deadlines, literally people could die. The dams we were working on needed the excavation work so that they didn't fall apart and kill thousands if not tens of thousands of people.
Those are the jobs I've had in the past which asked me to work on Sunday. I have not been asked to work on Sundays yet, but another part of the interview is sticking out in my mind very strongly. She told me that she could not guarantee that I do not work Sundays, and now that I think about it, I'm not even 100% sure she promised she'd try to keep me off Sundays. The fact that the first day I worked, she asked when she could schedule me for Sundays tells me that she is respecting my wishes to the minimum degree.
This had been bothering me, among other things with this job, like whether it was going to work with school in January or not. (If I work a week like this past one? No. Not going to work; I worked every day this week, 8.5-10 hours a day starting at 6am)
I missed the first session of Conference today because I had to work. Not a biggie, I can just download it later and listen to the MP3. I did notice however, that when a LDS co-worked mentioned that our business may be affected by General Conference, my boss got a little hostile and almost said something that she stopped herself from saying. Later tonight, I attended the Priesthood session, which was very very good, and I still had the thoughts about my job weighing heavily on my mind. By the end of the session, I had decided that I was going to pray very hard about my job, and I felt like I still had no answer, but it seemed like a decision I could make by myself and either direction would be good. Then President Monson got up and gave his powerful talk about choices and consequences. Nearing the end of his talk, I was starting to feel a little more confident that this job wouldn't have eternal consequences, but then he got to his story about, you guessed it, a person who had made commitments and worked hard, but had also decided before hand that he would not play his sport on Sunday. The team was in the championship, and there was immense pressure for him to play both from his unsympathetic coach, and the fact that his back-up for his starting position, wasn't able to play because of an injury. He did not play, and the team was fine without him as they won the championship. 30 years down the road, the player recounted that seemingly insignificant decision had made eternally good consequences in his life. He said that it was easier to follow the Lord 100% of the time, rather than 98% of the time.
How this relates to me?
Well, I can't claim to follow the Lord 100% of the time. Not even 80%. But I certainly do try and make an effort for it.
I do not need this job. Certainly it will make life easier, and make it so we are far more financially stable in the future. Yes, it's a hard job, but so what? I can get over that and deal... I've had hard jobs before, you just throw yourself into them and they get easier. But my biggest thing is that they do not need to be open on Sundays. This would be my first time working on Sundays for a place that was non-essential. Now, were Kimberly to not have a job, then this would be a different thing entirely, as I would have to stay there in order to support my family. But Kimberly does have a good job, which pays all the bills and then some. Were I to quit, I am quite sure it would infuriate my boss, as she has ordered pants and a manager shirt for me, but in the eternal realm? That doesn't really matter.... I'd rather tick off someone I've known for less than a week than God Himself...
I guess the other half of this equation is that I may never work a Sunday while working at McDonalds... but the chances of that never happening in the next 3-4 years don't seem that great to me... I don't know. I'm not asking for an answer, or really even advice (but feel free to post that too!) and I am going to have to make this decision for myself, I'm just thinking out loud a little... and hoping that as I get my thoughts down on paper that they will reveal an answer or at least clarify a little.
On a bit of a side note however, I do wonder that if I quit this job for this reason, if it would help how I view the Sabbath as a Holy Day. I wonder if it would help my worship be more full, as I had to sacrifice something important to me in order to follow God more fully. I don't know. again, just thinking out loud...
Thank You, Come Again!
- Brian
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Epic Awesomeness
So, this started as a facebook status update, and kinda was getting too long, and I realized how much better it'd be as a blog!
I feel a need to do something epically awesome to compare with some of the epic awesomeness of my younger years. It seems like there is this unequivecal law in the universe that decrees
"Once you get married, You Get Boring!"
This is probably as a result of some fairly simple things, including maturity, a new outlook on life, and a priority change:
15-21: "Let's go have fun and try to not die whilst doing it!"
21-22: "Hm, I think I need to grow up a little, how can I do that?"
22-25: "Let's work towards real-life goals and try to survive with enough money to get there"
Also, there's this little nagging voice in my head (that sounds surprisingly like my wife) that tells me how bad it would be if I were to get hurt/die. Yea, my death always would have been a disaster/tragedy blah blah blah... but seriously. Some people would have been sad (and I mean REALLY sad) but to a certain extent they would have gotten over it and been able to move on with their lives, but it's a little different now that I'm married. Kimberly would be extremely distraught, I'm not 100% sure she would ever be the same if I got killed as a result of taking a extreme risk, and I am 100% sure that she wouldn't be able to see how the awesomeness of how I died was any consolation; in fact, it would probably scar her.
Have I ever truly done anything that risky you may ask?
Well....
I don't know. I like to think that I did, because it was fun when I was younger, but looking back... so many situations were so trumped up by the combined adrenaline/minds over-fed by spy novels/video games/movies of mine and my closest friends with whom I would, er, do... "stupid stuff" (yes, Todd, Danny and Drew, this includes you... )
Now that I see where we all are today, the only ones who have ever put a serious risk to our lives were Todd and Drew; as they both joined the military.
Yea, sure, the rush of adrenaline coming from flying down a hill on a mountain bike, the sweaty palms from being 100+ feet in the air on a rock face, the... well, this included more people, screaming and laughing with joy as we... "rock-surfed" and who can forget the HILARIOUS fun of "Pole-Ball?" but... none of those really put us the least bit at risk of death unless something EXTREMELY tragic and unexpected happened.
The other stuff (anything involving trench-coats, camoflauge, or fireworks) was the stuff we thought was so risky and all, but really, the only consequences of any of that would have been minor misdemeanor charges (which in all honesty, would have been very bad, and we're really lucky we never got caught/never escalated.)
I dunno... I guess the whole point of this very rambly blog is that I want to do something that I can look at and say: "Dang. That was awesome. That was also very fun. I want to do it again."
Maybe I will now that I've mostly repaired my mountain bike (the rear brakes still aren't quite right... and because we just moved I can't find the %$#@ tools that I need to tighten them)
Maybe I'll just lose weight as a result, but hey, that would still be a level of awesomeness... Maybe tonight I'll get some awesomeness in, but I really doubt it.
Anyway,
Thank You, Come Again!
Brian
I feel a need to do something epically awesome to compare with some of the epic awesomeness of my younger years. It seems like there is this unequivecal law in the universe that decrees
"Once you get married, You Get Boring!"
This is probably as a result of some fairly simple things, including maturity, a new outlook on life, and a priority change:
15-21: "Let's go have fun and try to not die whilst doing it!"
21-22: "Hm, I think I need to grow up a little, how can I do that?"
22-25: "Let's work towards real-life goals and try to survive with enough money to get there"
Also, there's this little nagging voice in my head (that sounds surprisingly like my wife) that tells me how bad it would be if I were to get hurt/die. Yea, my death always would have been a disaster/tragedy blah blah blah... but seriously. Some people would have been sad (and I mean REALLY sad) but to a certain extent they would have gotten over it and been able to move on with their lives, but it's a little different now that I'm married. Kimberly would be extremely distraught, I'm not 100% sure she would ever be the same if I got killed as a result of taking a extreme risk, and I am 100% sure that she wouldn't be able to see how the awesomeness of how I died was any consolation; in fact, it would probably scar her.
Have I ever truly done anything that risky you may ask?
Well....
I don't know. I like to think that I did, because it was fun when I was younger, but looking back... so many situations were so trumped up by the combined adrenaline/minds over-fed by spy novels/video games/movies of mine and my closest friends with whom I would, er, do... "stupid stuff" (yes, Todd, Danny and Drew, this includes you... )
Now that I see where we all are today, the only ones who have ever put a serious risk to our lives were Todd and Drew; as they both joined the military.
Yea, sure, the rush of adrenaline coming from flying down a hill on a mountain bike, the sweaty palms from being 100+ feet in the air on a rock face, the... well, this included more people, screaming and laughing with joy as we... "rock-surfed" and who can forget the HILARIOUS fun of "Pole-Ball?" but... none of those really put us the least bit at risk of death unless something EXTREMELY tragic and unexpected happened.
The other stuff (anything involving trench-coats, camoflauge, or fireworks) was the stuff we thought was so risky and all, but really, the only consequences of any of that would have been minor misdemeanor charges (which in all honesty, would have been very bad, and we're really lucky we never got caught/never escalated.)
I dunno... I guess the whole point of this very rambly blog is that I want to do something that I can look at and say: "Dang. That was awesome. That was also very fun. I want to do it again."
Maybe I will now that I've mostly repaired my mountain bike (the rear brakes still aren't quite right... and because we just moved I can't find the %$#@ tools that I need to tighten them)
Maybe I'll just lose weight as a result, but hey, that would still be a level of awesomeness... Maybe tonight I'll get some awesomeness in, but I really doubt it.
Anyway,
Thank You, Come Again!
Brian
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Post!
So... I was looking at my neglected blog and decided I needed to do something about it... more specifically.. POST!
But what?
Recent life events? oy... too many and too complicated :s
Jokes? I'm not so great at those....
Discourses on the anatomical anomalies of the spotted white lizard native only to camb-asia?
...
Well let's start with recent life events:
Provo is going to soon be in my rear-view mirror for an indefinite period of time (san visits) as my wonderfully talented wife got a job offer (and accepted) in Roosevelt, UT; and I will be attending the prestigious Utah State University, Uintah Basin Campus (moooo... Go Aggies!) if I get accepted.. (there is a chance I won't, A slim one... my GPA is 3.79 or somewhere abouts... I got a B- and a couple of A-'s so it dropped from my 4.0 :(...) AAAAH! a spider!
anyway, I've been rebuilding a car as well, it's nearly finished now. yay. I rebuilt the transmission, engine, the body, and am now painting it black.
As we are moving so far away, I quit my job at Mattress Warehouse. (and the peasants rejoiced...)
Our other car decided it was time to die (boooo..) but since I have so much time on my hands right now, I get to rebuild the engine in it too! yay!
Kimberly will be heading out to Roosevelt alone for a couple of weeks, or less if I get the altima done faster, as I will be joining her as soon as both cars are running... so all of my time will be devoted to the altima from sunrise to sunset (and beyond...) starting monday afternoon.
k..
Jokes?
I think the singularily most awkward moment in life is when you make eye contact with someone else on the freeway when you are wrist deep in your nose... don't lie, you know you do it too... 'cause you know you can't pretend like there is something else you're doing... unless you're attempting a frontal lobe reconstruction... while driving 65mph... it's a new extreme sport man, you should try it!
discourses on lizards? ...
Thank You, Come Again!
-Brian
But what?
Recent life events? oy... too many and too complicated :s
Jokes? I'm not so great at those....
Discourses on the anatomical anomalies of the spotted white lizard native only to camb-asia?
...
Well let's start with recent life events:
Provo is going to soon be in my rear-view mirror for an indefinite period of time (san visits) as my wonderfully talented wife got a job offer (and accepted) in Roosevelt, UT; and I will be attending the prestigious Utah State University, Uintah Basin Campus (moooo... Go Aggies!) if I get accepted.. (there is a chance I won't, A slim one... my GPA is 3.79 or somewhere abouts... I got a B- and a couple of A-'s so it dropped from my 4.0 :(...) AAAAH! a spider!
anyway, I've been rebuilding a car as well, it's nearly finished now. yay. I rebuilt the transmission, engine, the body, and am now painting it black.
As we are moving so far away, I quit my job at Mattress Warehouse. (and the peasants rejoiced...)
Our other car decided it was time to die (boooo..) but since I have so much time on my hands right now, I get to rebuild the engine in it too! yay!
Kimberly will be heading out to Roosevelt alone for a couple of weeks, or less if I get the altima done faster, as I will be joining her as soon as both cars are running... so all of my time will be devoted to the altima from sunrise to sunset (and beyond...) starting monday afternoon.
k..
Jokes?
I think the singularily most awkward moment in life is when you make eye contact with someone else on the freeway when you are wrist deep in your nose... don't lie, you know you do it too... 'cause you know you can't pretend like there is something else you're doing... unless you're attempting a frontal lobe reconstruction... while driving 65mph... it's a new extreme sport man, you should try it!
discourses on lizards? ...
Thank You, Come Again!
-Brian
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)